Twelve
by SoMuchLoveInALovelessWorld
Summary: Sheldon likes to keep his feelings to himself.


_Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any character associated with it, no copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

"Are you sure, Penny? You know how Sheldon is about his privacy."

"For God's sake, Leonard! It's only a few boxes! How can I put the bookshelf together?" she huffs, opening the fridge, "Besides, he said he would come here tonight to get his stuff and take it to his apartment. I'll just move the boxes to the living room, ok?"

"Ok, I guess… Penny, I have to go back to work now, I talk to you later."

"Bye, Leonard." She hangs up and goes to Sheldon's old room, ready to start her work. Once inside, she smiles at the cardboard boxes all lined up against the wall. Each one has a tag: _Star Trek memorabilia_, _Star Wars memorabilia_, _Spider-Man_, _Flash_, _DC miscellaneous_ and so on. "Neat freak", she chuckles. After her engagement with his roommate, two months ago, the three of them had a long conversation about the future living arrangements and Sheldon decided to move out. Amy immediately suggested he could stay at her place, but he soon found a small apartment near the university where he could walk to work every day without bothering anyone for a ride. Now, his former room will be a study area for Leonard and her. She grabs the boxes and places them in front of the kitchen island, cursing to herself about how heavy they are. The last box catches her attention because it's the only that doesn't have a label. She sits on the floor and slowly opens it, finding another box, a beautiful wood one. For a moment, she thinks that it has his Meemaw's letters and smiles at the idea, her mind going back to the day she read them. It was one of the first times she realized her odd neighbor had a heart. Looking around, as if he could see her, she turns the small silver key and observes the items inside, frowning a little.

At first, she doesn't know what they mean, but as the minutes pass, she recognizes what they are and most importantly, _why_ Sheldon kept them. The present and the past are mingled, the sense of time escaping the reality as all the pieces fit together like a giant puzzle. Her heart pounds hard in her chest, her palms start to sweat, her fingers trembling when she analyzes one by one, remembering each moment with perfect clarity, as if she is the one with the eidetic memory.

* * *

**_An empty VapoRub container_**

Thank God he was sleeping. She couldn't believe he made her apply that smelly cream on his chest and then sing that childish song to him. It was a cute song, though. A man with two doctorates was reduced to a little scared boy when sick, like most of the ordinary people did. "Funny, isn't?" she whispered to his sleeping form. Before going back to her apartment, she kissed his warm forehead and straightened the sheets around him.

Later, in the shower, she was soaping her body, chanting "Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, purr, purr, purr…"

**_The Nimoy napkin_**

"I'm glad you liked your gift, Sweetie."

His mouth was still trembling when he replied, "Penny… This was one of the best gifts anyone could ever give me… I don't know what to say…"

She grinned, glancing at Leonard and back to him, "It's ok, Sheldon… You gave me these amazing baskets and you even hugged me! This was the best gift for me…"

He blushed, looking at his feet for a while. Leonard stood up and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water, while she sat on the couch beside him. He turned to her and for a brief moment, put his large hand on top of hers, whispering, "Thank you, Penny." This was her turn to redden, as she stared at his clear blue eyes, "You're welcome, Honey."

**_A Penny Blossom_**

"This song really helps, Sheldon! We made this Penny Blossom in less than three minutes!"

"Of course it helps, Penny…" he said in his usual condescending tone, "It's a rhythmic work song designed to increase productivity."

She snorted and continued to glue the flowers. "I'm still not happy about the fact you might not work at the Cheesecake Factory anymore… Who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?"

"As I said before, I can teach the other waitresses how-"

"Penny…" he interrupted her, "I like when you brings my food."

She almost dropped the glue gun, shocked with his stubbornness, "Don't be a baby! I'll not work at restaurants forever, Sheldon… I want more."

He stopped his work, facing her with an unreadable expression, "Alright."

"I'm sorry… It's just… I'm tired of serving tables every day… I feel like my time is running out, you know?" she sighed.

"Ok…" he spoke slowly, "Let's go back to work."

She didn't know why he was helping her, but found his enthusiasm really comforting. He was a good friend to her, despite his arrogance and occasional craziness. Perhaps he was the first man in her life that was doing something for her without expecting anything in return. Sheldon looked back at her, holding an orange flower in his hand, smiling, "Perfect."

She smiled back, her heart agreeing with him. Perfect, indeed.

**_A chocolate wrapper_**

"Do you want a chocolate?"

"Yes, thank you."

She couldn't believe how grow, smart men watched a tedious cartoon like that. Leonard was a fun guy to be around, but some of his nerd stuff were too boring to her. At least Sheldon was offering her great Belgian chocolates. How sweet of him, she thought. For the corner of her eye, she observed him as he watched the anime. His posture was perfect, with his back still straight and hands on his knees. Someone could even call him elegant. She chuckled involuntary at this view, making him glare at her. "What?" he asked with a low voice.

"Nothing… Zip…" she answered, returning her attention to the TV.

"Have a chocolate."

Sheldon handed the small piece to her and when she bit it, her lips slightly closed around his fingers. He gasped at the contact, retracting his hand and placing the box on the table. "Sorry…" she apologized with her mouth full, secretly enjoying his startled reaction. He said nothing, just went back to the show. For a few seconds, she expected he would wipe his fingers, but nothing. Shrugging, she leaned closer to Leonard as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, kissing her cheek. Then Sheldon did something that shocked her to her core: very discreetly, he put the fingers to his lips, gently licking them. A shudder ran through her body and she rose from the couch, saying she was going to the bathroom. She spent about ten minutes there, just calming her breathing, trying to sweep some dirty images out of her head. "This is Sheldon!" her consciousness screamed at her.

When she had sex with her boyfriend that night, she couldn't help but fantasize about a tall, pale conqueror divesting Queen Penelope under a leafy tree.

**_An adhesive duck_**

"Thanks again for helping me, Sheldon… You're my hero…" she mumbled, almost dozing off.

"You're welcome." he said while adjusting her pillow, "Now, sleep."

Noticing that he was leaving, she gipped his forearm, grinning groggily, "You know, Sheldon… You're a very cute guy… very cute…"

He just stared at her, his face calm as he touched her hand, placing it on the sheets, "Penny, you're out of you mind, you need to rest… Let me sing 'Soft Kitty' again…"

"No, no…" she shook her head, "I'm serious… When we first met I had a crush on you…" she giggled, "But then you started talking, talking… Did you feel the same?"

For an instant, his features softened, but soon went back to his cold appearance, "Of course not, Penny."

She pouted, and then blurted out, "Sometimes I think it should be you."

_xxx_

A dull pain on her shoulder was what woke her up. She whimpered while turning her body to get out of bed, hissing as she sat on the mattress. Flashes of last night ran through her brain while she grabbed a pill on the nightstand. She slowly stood up, stumbling a little to the kitchen, when she heard the nine knocks. Walking on heavy legs, she opened the door with a weary smile, "Hi."

Sheldon licked his lips, looking at his feet, a surprising apprehension coloring his face, "Good afternoon, Penny… How is your shoulder?"

"It still hurts…" she whined as he sat on her couch, "But I will survive…."

She drank a glass of water and joined him, both silent for a couple of minutes. She didn't understand why he was acting so weird towards her, "Sheldon… What's wrong? Why are you so quiet?" she eventually questioned him.

"W-what?" he stammered, "You must be still suffering the effects of your painkiller medication, Penny…"

Maybe it was something she said. She tried to recollect the events of yesterday, but everything was still foggy in her memory. Suddenly, some pieces of their last conversation appeared, making her cringe a little. "Oh… Look, Sheldon, I was out of my mind, ok? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable… I didn't mean what I said… just forget about it…"

If she didn't know him better she would have assumed he was disappointed with her words. He sighed, standing up quickly, not making eye contact, "You have nothing to be sorry about," his voice was dry as he headed to her door, "Just keep taking the prescription pills and go to your doctor's appointment on Tuesday." Before he left, he shot her a look of chagrin, "Have a nice day, Penny."

She kept staring at the closed door for almost an hour, lost in her thoughts.

**_A notebook sheet_**

After two hours of the most monotonous class she has ever had, her brain cooperated with her and she finally understood what her boyfriend was researching. She looked down at the notebook and read some of her notes: _"phase shift in the diffusing electrons"_, _"Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect"_, _"Fig Newtons"_. Those were sure big words, but in the end she had a vague idea about why sub-atomic particles moved the way they did.

"Thanks again, Sheldon!" she exclaimed cheerfully, "Now I can surprise him."

He made a face and nodded, erasing some formulas from his board before packing up his pens. When he turned around, she was in front of him, arms wide open, "Can I give you a hug?"

He exhaled loudly, rolling his eyes in a very melodramatic manner and wrapped his long arms around her back, resting his chin on top of her head. His rare hugs always made her happy, so she took her time, pulling him closer to her for a considerable amount of time. Slowly, she stood on her tiptoes, placing her mouth near his ear and whispered, "I feel less stupid now." He leaned away, staring at her eyes in a way she would never forget, his hands anchored on her hips when he murmured softly, "Don't put yourself down, Penny… You could be so much more."

Her eyes started to water for reasons she usually kept hidden inside her and now were exposed to both of them. She wanted to kiss him right there, a gesture of gratitude mixed with a lust his beautiful eyes and clean scent have brought to her. With a tilt of her head, her lips were close to his, their breaths shallow, eyes locked fiercely, when they heard someone open the door. He let go of her, cleaning his throat, as Leonard entered the living room, greeting his girlfriend and his roommate, "Hello Penny. Sheldon."

The short men pecked her lips, grinning at her, "Let's order dinner?"

She gulped, already regretting was she was about to do and suggested, "Why don't we eat at my place?"

Leonard frowned a little, but agreed with her, dropping his messenger bag on his chair and walked to her apartment, calling the Thai restaurant. She stepped closer to Sheldon, kissed his cheek and followed her boyfriend without saying a word.

**_A cover of the "American Journal of Physics", dated September, 2011_**

"I want a divorce."

They both chuckled and went back to their respective magazines. When he finished, he looked back at her with a curious face. "Penny?"

"Yes?"

"Can you imagine us as a couple?"

She closed the magazine, pondering about his question for a while. "Of course I can. Our relationship reminds me of my grandparents. They are very different, argue about everything, but somehow like each other…" she smiled wider, "Like us."

He seemed to accept her answer and said, "Their marriage is like a challenge…" he mused, his eyes sparkling like a little kid, "I do like challenges."

Sheldon ignored her incredulous expression while drinking his cup of herbal tea.

**_A small bottle of green apple shampoo_**

They were all at 4A, taking a break from the _Dungeons & Dragons_ game; she was drinking wine with the girls, talking about the latest episode of _America's Next Top Model_, while the guys were rambling about some weird RPG strategy. "Ok, ok… Break is over guys… girls…" Howard called, handing the dices to Raj.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" she shouted, practically running to it. She peed and washed her hands in a hurry, not wanting to delay their game. Her eyes fell on the bathtub and she noticed a tiny bottle of green apple shampoo, the same brand she had been using for years, placed beside a Darth Vader conditioner. She grabbed it, opened the lid and inhaled the sweet smell, wondering why Leonard bought it.

Penny went back to the living room, kissed Leonard's hair and sat on the couch, slightly puzzled about the fact he was wearing his customary dandruff products. She glanced around, leaning her back against the cushions, only to sense the faint perfume of green apples emanating from her tall neighbor.

**_A "Pictionary" card_**

"Get over it, Sheldon…" Penny teased him, folding the pizza box in half and pushing it into the garbage can, "You can't win everything… or just a thing…" she snickered.

He huffed, still wiping his face with a towel, picking the small pieces of blueberry away from his face. Leonard was already sleeping in his room, tired of their early games and Amy went home soon after their last victory against the boys, leaving Sheldon and Penny to clean up the mess. "This night was a disaster…" he complained, sitting on his spot, "I demand a rematch!"

She laughed, throwing herself on his side, making him even angrier. "You're going to lose again, Sweetie…" she beamed, poking his arm, "I'm a winner!"

He ignored her mocking, turning the TV on. They watched an old Star Trek episode quietly, until it was almost midnight and she yawned, stretching her arms over her head while he eyed her with discreet peeks. "I should go now, I have an early shift tomorrow…" she explained.

When she was turning to leave, he grasped her wrists and sent her to the ground, landing on top of her. She was speechless for a second, not believing in what was happening and opened her mouth to protest, but he quickly covered her lips with his hand. She glared at him, her insides reacting to his proximity in a very outrageous way, as he smirked, resting his whole body on hers. "See, Penny? I can win too…" he stated, his mouth touching her cheek, "We're both winners…" his voice was hoarse and she had to bite her cheek to avoid a moan.

About half a minute later, he stood up, offering his hand to help her up, but she denied, facing him with a scowl and hurried to her place. She couldn't sleep that night, despite taking two (cold) showers and drinking a glass of warm milk. At 7 a.m., she called her boss and said she was sick.

**_A movie ticket_**

Sheldon was buying the popcorn while she waited for him in front of the movie theatre, reading the synopsis of _The Wolverine_. She was not a big _X-Men_ fan, but he insisted she should go to the movies with him. Well, at least Hugh Jackman is hot, she comforted herself. With Leonard away, her summer was almost all about Sheldon. He was being a surprisingly pleasant companion to her lonely days. Suddenly, a tiny redhead woman touched her arm. "Penny?"

"Oh my God! Rebecca!" she exclaimed and hugged her, "How are you? Oh! You're pregnant!"

The short girl caressed her belly, smiling at her, "Yes! Can you believe it?"

"You're beautiful!" she complimented her, "I'm so happy for you!"

Rebecca thanked her and introduced the guy beside her, "Penny, this is my husband, Paul" they shook hands cordially, "Honey, this is Penny. I used to go to acting classes with her."

The chubby man nodded politely, then greeted Sheldon, who was stepping closer to Penny, carrying two bags of popcorn. "I'm Paul, nice too meet you."

"Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper."

"Penny! This is your doctor boyfriend? I'm glad to finally meet you!" Rebecca said with a bright grin.

To her amusement, Sheldon didn't correct the woman, just smiled back. She decided to play along, "Yes. This is my boyfriend…" she intertwined her arm with his, "Sheldon Cooper."

"I'm sorry, but we should go. Our movie starts now…" Paul whispered to his wife and turned to Penny and Sheldon, "It was a pleasure."

Penny hugged Rebecca again, wishing the best for her and her new family as the redhead murmured, "He's gorgeous!" She agreed, watching the short couple as they left. Sheldon looked down at their joined arms, shrugged and started to walk with her by his side. "Our movie begins in five minutes… Darling…" he drawled, joking, leading them to the hall.

She pretended to be his girlfriend for exactly five minutes. For some reason unknown to her, that was the best part of her summer.

**_A coin_**

"I'm gonna kill him!" she blurted out, pacing her living room, "This whole hunt was a waste of time!"

"I agree. Raj is a man with a truly death wish."

She took the coin from his hand and threw it against the wall. Sheldon gasped at her behavior, standing up and picking the small piece from behind the couch. "Do you want this?" she questioned him, her tone exasperated.

"Yes." he simply responded, avoiding eye contact.

"Why?"

"No reason in particular…" he explained, already going to her door, "It was an interesting day, Penny."

"Yes, it was until that bastard-"

"Goodbye." he mumbled before she could finish her sentence.

**_A Polaroid picture_**

She was dancing with Leonard, joking about the fact she was very tall in those shoes, turning him into a very cute homunculus. He bit her earlobe lightly, saying she was beautiful. They were at his apartment, celebrating their engagement with his closest friends. Everyone was having a great time, even Sheldon. He was talking to Stuart about a new comic book as she watched him, still holding her fiancée. Sometimes she just enjoyed to observe him, like she was doing at that moment. She knew they maybe would drift apart after the wedding and this thought terrified her immensely. Several years of friendship would be hard to forget, she acknowledged. With that in mind, she excused herself and sat beside him, holding his hand. He turned to her as Stuart witnessed the peculiar scene in front of him.

"What?" Sheldon asked her.

"I'm going to miss you so much…" she started, her eyes teary, "It will be very weird without you around…"

He put his hand on hers, squeezing softly, "You're drunk, Penny."

"No, I'm not!" she fumed, "I don't need to be drunk to tell you this."

"Ok… But this is the natural course of events…" his voice was low, emotional, "We knew this was going to happen someday."

They locked eyes for a few seconds, both conversing without words, until Bernadette approached them, a camera in her hand, "Hey you two! Smile!" she instructed in a high pitch. Before they could do it, the flash went off, almost blinding them. The microbiologist shook the small picture and glared at them, "This is so not going to the album…"

* * *

Penny now examines the photo, sighing at their sad faces. They look so hopeless, so unhappy, she cries harder, this tears joining the previous ones, dampening her green shirt. When she looks at the back of the picture, her sobs increase as she reads, _"We're dreamers."_

She wants to scream, to run, to ask him why he didn't tell her she was _that_ important to him, to smack his face, to kiss him until they're both breathless. But what she wants mostly is to say to him her feelings were/are mutual.

The sun starts to set and the room darkens, but she doesn't move; her world his clearer now. She just caresses the twelve items, revealing her secrets to the inanimate objects, wishing he was there to hold her close and tell her everything is gonna be alright. Like a resigned widow, she collects his memories and put them back in the box, closing the lid and locking them inside, where no one can see them but him. He would prefer this way, she concludes.


End file.
